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Is Reverse Psychology Good Parenting

March 23, 2011
by maria

Reverse Psychology on Children

Reverse psychology is the practice of telling a person to do the exact opposite of what you want them to do expecting that the person will do exactly what you desire them to do. When used on children, parents practicing reverse psychology are banking on the child’s defiant attitude towards parent’s control and supervision that will lead them to do the exact opposite of what they are told.

Some parents will tell you that reverse psychology works, and it does, in some instances. When you want your toddler to eat vegetables and you tell him “that’s ok don’t eat that plate of spinach, I’ll just give it to John (a young boy from the neighborhood that your son competes with), and he loves spinach anyway.”  Maybe he will do what you want him to do, but at the same time you are encouraging him to compete with the other boy. Or maybe you want him to sleep early so you tell him “that’s ok you can stay up late, at least we won’t have to wake up early for a trip to the zoo tomorrow” of course he will sleep early because he wants to go to the zoo.

Reverse psychology could also damage the child’s self-respect, particularly when parents stress the negative just to make a child do what they want. An example is when you want your child to study for an exam so you tell him” that’s ok you don’t need to study, it won’t do any good anyway”. Some children will take this as a challenge but some will not even bother to try anymore.

Reverse psychology although it works with some child may be more damaging to others. So is it a good parenting technique?   Good parenting is motivating, teaching and most of all giving unconditional love. Reverse psychology is a form of manipulation and children, perceptive that they are, will at one point be on to your method. Next time you do it again you might be surprised if they take you at your word.

 

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How Parenting Can Be Less Stressful

March 20, 2011
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How Parenting Can Be Less Stressful

Parenting is stressful. This is a fact that even the best parents in the world cannot deny. The constant demand for time and attention of children wears down a parent’s patience and can just be too stressful that it sometimes manifest in physical distress such as a headache or general malaise. Parents should learn how to deal with the pressure so that it won’t overcome them. A stressed parent cannot respond positively to their children.

Accept that you cannot be a perfect parent all the time
What causes the most stress and strain to a parent is when they feel they are not doing their job of parenting right. When the children are misbehaving, doing poorly in school or just being children, some parents worry a lot that they are not being a good parent. Parents should realize and accept that all children do misbehave and constantly calling their attention for every little infraction will only worsen the situation.

Recognize the signs of stress
Parents should watch out for the signs of stress. It usually has physical manifestations such as feeling tired all the time, headaches and other body aches, skin rashes or allergies, sleeplessness and the like. The emotional signs of stress are frustration, anxiety even over small things, anger and depression.

Learn how to cope
Coping with stress starts with having time for yourself. Realize that you also have needs and having children to care for does not mean negating those needs. Give yourself time for relaxation and time to rejuvenate at least once every week; go out with friends to lunch or dinner, visit the salon for a massage or a manicure or even a make-over, have a “romantic” date with your partner at least once a month and talk about everything else but the children and their problems.

Keeping yourself healthy both in mind and body is also another way of coping with stress. Parenting requires a lot of vigor and understanding. Being able to respond to the physical and emotional demands of parenting will make you more confident and less stressed.

The best way of coping with stress is involving your partner in the process. Parenting and caring for children is not the job of only one parent. Sharing it with your partner will ease the burden and will lessen the stress.

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Why NO is not a Bad Word

March 18, 2011
by maria

NO as a Way of Teaching Children

The word NO even for adults is not something that they relish hearing. Much more so for a child to whom the word NO means control. Some child psychologists advise that saying no is not the correct way of disciplining children. But it is a fact of life that NO is a fundamental part of peoples’ lives and something that has to be accepted positively. Children has to learn to deal with the word NO and consider it as such. Saying NO at the proper time and for the right reason is one way of teaching children to be appreciative, motivated, centered and well adjusted human beings.

Parents should realize that saying NO is a means to teach their children. They should learn how to say NO and say NO not as a reprimand but as a sign of caring. By telling them NO in this manner children will get used to hearing the word without attributing a negative connotation to it. This could only be done when parents also explain to a child why they are saying NO. The explanation should be simple and clear enough, something that is understandable to them. For a young child a simple “NO because it will hurt your” or something to that effect will be enough. As the child grows older the explanation for a NO should also be more detailed. The underlying principle is the same, it is a NO because you care. They will get used to hearing the word NO and also understand the reason behind it.

Some parents find it easier to say YES since this is less stressful, no tantrums, no whining no arguments, but this is only temporary. When children realize that their parents will say YES just to get them off their backs, they become manipulative; the demands will increase in frequency and value. These children will grow up spoiled and not appreciative of what they have. They will have that feeling of entitlement and will not be expected or motivated to work for what they want.

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Parenthood, A Most Fulfilling Role

March 16, 2011
by maria

Parenthood – A Rewarding Role

Parenthood is one of the most fulfilling and rewarding role for an individual. It is a gift and a privilege that not everyone enjoy. Coupled with the privilege however is a great responsibility, the responsibility to bring up the children to become productive and mature individuals that are  dependable and accountable for their actions to themselves and to society as a whole.

Parenthood is fraught with a lot of challenges as a child progress from infanthood to adulthood. The most essential element of parenthood to ensure that their children will develop into an individual that they can be proud of is to make them feel loved and secure in their parents’ love even during trying moment. Parents need not be “perfect” parents, only be good and loving parents.

Here are some tips on how to make your children feel loved and secure in your love:

Constant demonstration of affection

In the course of a child’s development parents should constantly show their children signs of affection such as giving them a lot of hugs, cuddles and kisses. Physical touch is an important element in the proper development of a child. A child who has had a lot of loving touches from parents in the course of their development will mature to be caring and loving individuals themselves.

Tell them you love them

Do not only show them, tell them that you love them every chance you get. Even adults need the reassurance of love verbally expressed.

Give them unconditional love

Do not make children feel that they can only earn your love when they are good. Give them unconditional love. Make them realize that you love them even when they are at their worst.

Be an involved parent

Be involved in your children’s life. Be interested in every endeavor of a child, at home, at play and at school. Attend PTA meetings, watch their football or baseball practice and games, get as excited as your child for school programs or presentations where they have a role even only as a pumpkin. Make your children feel that they can tell you all their small and big issues without the risk of being admonished or reprimanded.

There are so many more ways to make your child feel loved and secure in your love. To some parents these come instinctively. The most important thing to remember is that a well loved child is a happy child.

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How to Avoid Spanking Your Child

March 15, 2011
by maria

Spanking is not an Option

Parents as a rule hate to spank their children. But there are times when parents get so provoked by their children that spanking happens. In cases like this even the parents are also hurting. Spanking is a form of corporal punishment that is absolutely opposed to correct parenting. It will not prevent a child from misbehaving; in fact it produces a negative effect on the child. Children learn that violence and aggression are solutions to resolving a conflict. It is also believed that children who suffered physical punishment have low-self esteem, anti-social behavior and less productive as an adult.

Here are some advices on what to do to avoid spanking a child:

Calm down

When your patience has been stretched to the limit by the irrational behavior of your child and you are just sorely tempted to smack them, step back, leave the room and try to block out the screaming, whining and tantrums from your mind. When you have regained some calm and composure go back to the room and pacify the child by hugging them and speaking to them in a soothing manner.

Give your child options

One classic case when parents are tempted to spank their child is when a child refuses to respond to a repeated admonition to behave. When a child continues to play with their food during dinner even after repeatedly calling their attention, in a firm but gentle manner inform them that if they do not behave they can leave the table.

Give yourself some space and time

Most often some parents, particularly mothers, resort to spanking because their nerves are on edge from the constant demands of a husband, children and daily chores. To be a more tolerant parent, give yourself some time to recoup and recharge. Go out with friends to the movies, call a baby sitter and have an afternoon off to pamper yourself with a massage or a manicure. This will give you a more indulgent attitude towards the ruckus of the children.

Spanking should never be an option to discipline and proper parenting.

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Unconditional Parenting

March 15, 2011
by maria

Unconditional Parenting – A Novel Approach to Parenting

Unconditional parenting advocates that a parent’s love for their child is not dependent on their child’s actions, in contrast to parenting with chastisements and incentives. Children need unconditional love. They should feel secure enough that whatever they do a parent’s love will always be there for them. The chastisement and reward system is almost like telling the child that they need to earn a parent’s love, that they will only feel the love and care of their parent when they are good.

Unconditional parenting means meeting the needs of children rather than attempting to control children with chastisement and incentives. When the needs of children are met they more likely will feel secure in their parents love, be more compliant and mature into responsible, competent individuals.

Parents who practice unconditional parenting consider that chastisement of any kind will make children feel estranged and unloved. Even time – outs, considered as the ideal non-violent form of chastisement can lead to a feeling of being not accepted and deserted by their family.

In lieu of time-outs, unconditional parenting advocates a time-in. When a child is misbehaving or in a tantrum, this usually is a sign that a child needs more attention from their parents. Devoting time to bond and reconnect with a child through physical contact such as hugging, kissing, cuddling, and rocking a child in a rocking chair will almost always pacify an upset child. This will also teach a child empathy and gentleness.

Most often tantrums are due to the unmet needs of a child. To avert tantrums, a parent practicing unconditional parenting should pay attention to the signs and be more sensitive to the unmet needs of a child. When the child is in a tantrum, unconditional parenting requires that parents discern what the unmet needs are rather than chastise a child. Many times the cause of a tantrum is simple hunger, thirst or lack of sleep.

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Formula to Positive Parenting

March 13, 2011
by

Formula to Positive Parenting

Discipline is an important function of parenting. But disciplining a child does not mean totally devastating a child’s self- esteem. In fact proper discipline for a child means building their self-worth and teaching them responsibility and accountability for their actions at the same time making them feel secure in their parents love. This is called positive parenting.The following are considered good parenting formula:

Spend quality and quantity time with your children

Children do not need only quality time from parents; it should be plenty of time. Give your children positive attention. Spend time with them as often as possible. Children who know that their parents are just a cry away are secured children. They need not resort to misbehaving to get their parents attention. Even busy parents should find time for their children. How ironic that people work so hard for their children but in the process neglect their children making way for rebellious and defiant children.

Show your children that they and their opinion are wanted and appreciated

Make them feel that they have influence in how the family is run. Ask their advice in family matters such as where to spend a vacation, what to prepare for the Holiday meal. Give them small responsibilities in the home; ask them to help you cook, or garden, or do the laundry. This way you are giving them a sense of importance. When you do things together, you are also bonding with them.

Make children realize the consequences of their actions

The tendency of parents is to shield their children from the ugliness of life, which should be the case. But when parents continually cover up or perform the children’s responsibility because it is less stressful, then children will not learn that their action has both positive and negative consequences. Let them learn from their mistakes. When a child overspends their allowance and has no more allowance for Friday, don’t give them extra money. Let them prepare a lunch box that they can bring to school. If that embarrass them with the other kids then they’ll try to keep within their budget next time.

Responsible children will grow up to be responsible adults. Children can only learn responsibility when their parents allow them to be their own person while establishing limits for them with a lot of support and love.

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How to be a Good Parent to a Toddler

March 10, 2011
by maria

Parenting Tip to Disciple Toddlers

The toddlers’ age is one of the most trying stages of a child’s development for parents. This is the age when children are more hyper active, very curious and inquisitive, excessively demanding, prone to tantrums and totally unreasonable in their demands. Life is never the same in a family with a toddler.

Disciplining toddlers is very challenging for parents. But it is the right time to discipline children. This is the age when children start testing the limits of their parents’ patience. When proper discipline is not learned at this age, it will be doubly difficult as they grow older.

Here are some tips on how to discipline toddlers and be a good parent to them:

Set boundaries and limits:

Parents must set rules and implement the rules both with firmness and consistency. It is important that the rules are simple and are made clear and understandable to them. Limits are important in ensuring the security and safety of the child since this is the age when they are more curious and adventurous. An example would be the wearing of a jacket when going out to play; the rule is no jacket no play. At first there will be tantrums, ignore the tantrums and be firm. After some time they will learn that if they want to play outdoors they need to put on a jacket.

Provide the right environment

When setting limits parents should also provide the right environment. Hang the jacket in a place accessible to the toddler so that when they need it they can get it themselves. When prohibiting the toddler to stick objects in electric sockets, these sockets should be covered with tapes that will not be easily removed by them. The right environment will not only protect them it will also allow the toddler to be a child and give them the opportunity to mature and grow.

Give toddlers the proper encouragement

When they do right, appreciate them. They will realize that when they follow the rules they get more attention. A pat on the back, a smile, a hug or a “great guy” comment will go a long way in making the toddler follow the rules.

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How to Raise a Teenager

March 10, 2011
by

Raising a Teenager, Latest Tips

The teenage years are the most difficult and challenging years in a person’s development both for the child and the parents. This period of transition from childhood to adulthood has to be handled with a lot of care, diplomacy and sensitivity. The rebelliousness and defiance, lack of consideration and general bad behavior should not be taken by parents as a personal affront. Most people, if not all go through this phase.
The teenagers are beginning to learn to be independent, struggling from the bonds of parental control. While the parents are trying to hang on for fear that totally letting go of that control might put their children in jeopardy. There are no hard and fast rules on how to deal with teenagers. Every teenager is a unique individual. What worked with your eldest child may not necessarily work with your youngest teenager.
There are however some basic principles to guide you in this most demanding challenge. Here are two of these basic principles:

Be attuned to the feelings of your teenager and pay attention to what they want to say. It is very easy to turn a deaf ear to the constant whining, arguing and complaining. Listen and try to discern what exactly is behind the angry words. Listening does not equate to acquiescence. Give them the chance to explain their side. For all you know they do have a point.

There is no point in being too critical of your teenager. When you continually call attention to and berate them on every little transgression, they will learn how to tune you out and talking to them will be like talking to a wall. It is wearing on the nerves and will not bring any positive results anyway. A pierced ear or belly button is not worth being stressed about. They are just teenagers’ way of expressing their own individuality. Smoking or drinking is another matter. These are issues that are not negotiable.

Every parent’s goal is to raise children that will become responsible adults in the future. This is not an easy task but others did it and so can you.

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Best Parenting, Reasons Why We Want the Best for Our Child

March 10, 2011
by admin5

When we were young, we can’t appreciate that much the way our parents mold us. We oftentimes do not do things that they like; we do things that we think are good for us. But if we are already mother and father to our own child, we now have a proper understanding that what our parents want is only the best parenting for their child.

Being a parent entails a huge responsibility. Our responsibility never stops even though our child already has a family of its own. We always want what’s best for them because

  • As parents we want them to achieve the best on themselves
  • As parents we want them to dwell on the path of righteousness
  • As parents we want them to grow respected by the people in the society
  • As parents we want them to be responsible parents in the future

Your child might not appreciate what you’re doing at the moment because he/she has things to accomplish on his/her own. Even though that’s the case never stop guiding your child. Show your love, compassion and your commitment towards molding them. In time they will learn to appreciate the things you have accomplished for them. As parents we need to be patient enough in caring and loving our child because that is one of the treasures that we can give to them for free.

Instead of putting your child down by nagging or anything, show your love. They greatly needed your love and understanding. That will serve as an eye opener to them to obey you and respect you. Always do the best parenting for your child, never stop and quit.

 

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